Sunday, December 18, 2005
Homesick?
I was born and raised on a small cattle ranch near a small town in western Montana. I've since moved to the big city, Seattle Washington. I lived all my life on our family ranch, lived in the same house the entire time, went to the same school from first grade all through high-school. After high-school I went away to college at Montana State University in Bozeman and eventually finished up with a B.S. degree in Computer Science and thats how I ended up her in Wasthington. I'm now working for the Boeing Aerospace Co, a division of the Boeing company. I'm not really unhappy, the city life can be fun and exciting. There are lots of things to do that I couldn't do back in Montana. City life is a lot different, its a big change adn for the most part I really like it, but I am homesick quite a bit.
I don't really know if "homesick" is the right word, but I suppose it is. Sometimes I really wonder about our lifestyles now, our "life in the fastlane". The way we live today we can't help but get separated from our friends and family. Its good to experience changes and meet new and different people, but I have freinds and family in Montana I've know all my life. Some of those people I lived with for 25 years, friends I've know since grade school, people I saw often every day or at least every week, I may only see now once or twice a year if that, and some of them I may never see again.
I know poeople who couldn't wait to get out of school, get away from their folds, and get out of town. Now I think that thats kind of sad. I didn't really feel that way but I knew or I thought I knew that I didn't want to stay around home. I went to college and I wanted to get me a big fancy job. Well know I've got that job and I'm kind of wondering if its really that great, and how much I've given up to get it, I've left a lot of my life behind.
I've made friends here in Seattle, people that I would really miss if we moved, but I've known those people less than a year. I had friends in Montana that I had ALWAYS known, ever since I could remember their family was friends with mine.
I'm not suer what point I'm trying to make here, I'm not saying we would be better off like our ancestors. They were able to stay together, friends and families weren't split up like they are now by our mobile society, but they also didn't have many of the freedoms and luxuries and choices we enjoy today. People didn't have the luxury of choosing their profession, choosing where they would live and often who they would live with.
It may just be that today is one of those days when I'm more homesick that most, but sometimes I wonder about my big fancy job and what I've given up. How bad do I want this job? Bad enought to give up a quarter century of my life and the people in it?
It sounds pretty bad put like that, I guess what I want is the best of both worlds, and I guess I don't really know what I want or what the answer is. But then I didn't intend this to be an answer or a solution to a problem, only a question, or a comment on a thought, or maybe a statement about something.
March 27, 1983
I don't really know if "homesick" is the right word, but I suppose it is. Sometimes I really wonder about our lifestyles now, our "life in the fastlane". The way we live today we can't help but get separated from our friends and family. Its good to experience changes and meet new and different people, but I have freinds and family in Montana I've know all my life. Some of those people I lived with for 25 years, friends I've know since grade school, people I saw often every day or at least every week, I may only see now once or twice a year if that, and some of them I may never see again.
I know poeople who couldn't wait to get out of school, get away from their folds, and get out of town. Now I think that thats kind of sad. I didn't really feel that way but I knew or I thought I knew that I didn't want to stay around home. I went to college and I wanted to get me a big fancy job. Well know I've got that job and I'm kind of wondering if its really that great, and how much I've given up to get it, I've left a lot of my life behind.
I've made friends here in Seattle, people that I would really miss if we moved, but I've known those people less than a year. I had friends in Montana that I had ALWAYS known, ever since I could remember their family was friends with mine.
I'm not suer what point I'm trying to make here, I'm not saying we would be better off like our ancestors. They were able to stay together, friends and families weren't split up like they are now by our mobile society, but they also didn't have many of the freedoms and luxuries and choices we enjoy today. People didn't have the luxury of choosing their profession, choosing where they would live and often who they would live with.
It may just be that today is one of those days when I'm more homesick that most, but sometimes I wonder about my big fancy job and what I've given up. How bad do I want this job? Bad enought to give up a quarter century of my life and the people in it?
It sounds pretty bad put like that, I guess what I want is the best of both worlds, and I guess I don't really know what I want or what the answer is. But then I didn't intend this to be an answer or a solution to a problem, only a question, or a comment on a thought, or maybe a statement about something.
March 27, 1983
Sunday, December 11, 2005
The last paragraphs
I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you’re alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it.
Samantha Black Crow
American Gods by Neil Gaiman
Samantha Black Crow
American Gods by Neil Gaiman
From "American Gods" by Neil Gaiman
I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn’t even know that I’m alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of casual chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck.
